Remember Your Hope

Child, beloved, remember your hope.

There was life before the hell, and there is life beyond it.

It swallowed you whole, because you were so tiny. You had yet to learn words, trust, attachment.  Thus, your words, trust, and attachment developed twisted, intertwined with death and torture.  It is woven into your personality, into who you believe that you are.

But you are not death. Remember your hope.

The darkness wrapped it’s shadowy arms around you, seeping into your brain, intertwining into your neuropathways, tying knots around the wires, threatening to rip out your very existence if removed.

But you’re of the light.  Do you recall the hope?

There was light before the darkness.  There was pure love before the perverted love. There was hope before the despair.  There was good before the evil.  You belong to the light.  You are a child of the light.  The darkness kidnapped you, ripped you from the womb, and claimed you as its own.  But the Light has sought you out.  He is your true Father.

The darkness wrote EVIL over your heart, but within your heart is written the code of GOODNESS. Remember your hope.

Do you remember the melodies of your heart?  The deepest ones that the darkness could not deprogram? The ancient songs that the evil ones could not touch? Do you remember the rhythms that pulsed within the womb that beat with truth, beauty, light, and love? Do you remember the chords of His love?  Your heart, created for song, throbbed with life which was never quenched, could not be quenched, by the unspeakable evils.  The silencing powers of darkness failed.  Your song still pulses with every beat of your unbroken heart.

Sing your song of life.  The silencers are silenced at His music.  And His music is yours.

This is your hope, beloved.

God is the Ruler Yet

As a child, I clung to music as my lifeline in the midst of unlivable situations.  My family had two lives.  One was Satanic.  The other was Christian.  I find this incredibly difficult to reconcile.  I assume that the church-going, Bible-thumping lifestyle was a mask for the dark nightlife for my parents. For me, however, Christ held me together.  Hymns and worship songs were my mind and soul glue for as far back as I can remember.  I was driving to therapy this morning, listening to a Pandora station, when an old hymn popped up. It was re-written with a more contemporary flare, but it whisked me straight back to age four or five.  I remember, as a child, weeping when I listened to this song on my children’s worship cassette tape.

The soul houses a language that goes oh so much deeper than mere human words can extend, and I believe that music reaches just a little bit deeper into our hearts.  There are ancient harmonies that, I believe, predate the creation of this planet, that our immortal souls ache for.   This is only a theory that I have, though I probably derived it in part from the great Madeline L’Engle.

Nevertheless, while listening to my Pandora station, “This is My Father’s World” began to play.  In my heart, a cacophony of grief, joy, comfort, agony, anger, and gratitude erupted.  How could all of this be sparked by one simple hymn? I tried desperately in that moment to figure out how as I child I could have experienced such heights of spiritual rapture and depths of demonic torment even within the same 24-hour period.  As I was wondering this, I heard the line, “This is my Father’s world, oh let me never forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.”

The wrong was strong.  It was so strong.  It almost killed me.  It tried to steal my soul and rip apart my brain, but God is the Ruler yet.  Still.  Even in the face of crazy terrible evil.  Somehow, He is still good.  He still loves me.  He is still all-powerful.  One day, I will understand.  One day, I will see it clearly.  One day, light will destroy the dark.  One day, right will un-do wrong.  One day, death will be no more.  Somehow, in the midst of all of this, God is the Ruler yet.  I don’t get it, not it all.  But I know.  I know that He is the Ruler because the ancient harmonies are still being sung. I could hear them when evil people were trying to destroy me, and I can still hear them.

“This Is My Father’s World”

This is my Father’s world, and to my listening ears, all nature sings and round me rings the music of the spheres. 

This is my  Father’s world: I rest me in the thought of rock and trees, of skies and seas; His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world, the birds their carols raise, the morning bright, the Lily white, declare their Maker’s praise.

This is my Father’s world.  He shines in all that’s fair; In the rustling grass, I hear Him pass. He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father’s world; Oh let me never forget, that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet. 

This is my Father’s world;  Why should my heart be sad? The Lord is King, let the heavens ring! God reigns, let earth be glad!